Medical Update #2

A longer version of this post is available at THIS LINK on my personal blog.

Change and decay in all around I see;

O Thou who changest not, abide with me!

Abide With Me!

Text: Henry F. Lyte, 1793-1847

(Here we are after church last week—my first time at Sacrament Meeting since my operation)

Hi, its Linds again :)  Since my last post, so much has changed, including my diagnosis and prognosis!  But the important things in my life have stayed the same—my sweet fiancé and I are still full steam ahead for our wedding and our lives together.  I love my family and they love and support me, which means the world to me.  I have continued to receive so much kindness, including countless cards from individuals and families in my hometown 3000 miles away, whom I was sure had long forgotten me!   Thank you so much for your love!

Here are the Main Updates:

1) I am recovering from surgery expertly!  Physical therapy is fun and going very well.

2) My pathology study was completed and the doctors were wrong about my tumor—it is a completely different variety than anyone expected, a VERY rare type, and it was malignant. 

3) I do NOT have cancer, but the tumor will likely try to come back in the same spot. 

4) I am most likely going to undergo Proton Therapy in the near future

5) Prayers for faith and courage, please! 

6) The Wedding is a GO.  I cannot wait to marry the man who has been carrying my weary soul through this experience.

(No more staples!  And my little shaved hairs are already growing back!)

I am so pleased with my recovery from surgery, and I want to share that I am doing so well and I’m nearly back to my normal life.  My staples are all out and my incision is healing really well.  But I also must share the fact that we have some new developments from my medical team.

After a lot of wondering and waiting as Pathology did their thing with my tumor, on Friday, July 11, and then again on Wednesday, July 16, we finally got some answers.  The answers included major changes from information we had previously been relying on.  The biggest piece of news after the full Pathology study of my tumor is that my brain tumor was a totally different type of tumor than anyone had expected.  Rather than a benign Meningioma, it was actually a very rare tumor called an Anaplastic Hemangiopercytoma– and it was malignant. 

Now before you panic, it was not malignant in the sense that I have cancer.  This is the Good News: I DO NOT HAVE CANCER and I praise the Lord because of it.  There is no fear that cancer cells or tumors will appear in other parts of my body.  However, this type of tumor is very likely to grow back in the same spot.  So unlike what we thought before, my fight with this tumor is far from over and I will be monitored to keep it from returning for the rest of my life.

In an effort to jumpstart my fight to keep the tumor from returning, it looks like I will be undergoing a gentle form or radiation called Proton Therapy. Although it is more gentle than traditional radiation, it will still be pretty intense.  I am not sure if they will wait until after the wedding or not to do it, but I will know a lot more after the first week of August, when I see the Radiation Oncologist whom my Chief Brain Surgeon gave my case to.  It is so amazing that I have such advanced medical facilities literally right down my street.  (P.S. Thank you Ian for giving me a tour of the Proton Therapy facilities last year!  We had no idea at the time that I would be a patient there, but knowing what it is all about and what it looks like has been a HUGE source of comfort to me.  You are such a great friend in so many ways.)  And if they wait until after the wedding, I still have my apartment in Philly through most of the Fall if I need to stay here for my treatment.  Things will be pretty crazy when that is all going on, but I am confident that it is going to work out.

All of my doctors, including the Radiation Oncologist, are still on board for the wedding taking place as scheduled.  It will be a small, quiet, sacred occasion with my close, immediate family in the Manhattan Temple.  I bought new wedding shoes—lower wedges—so I don’t fall in my less-balanced state :)  Besides the lower shoes, everything will go as planned.  I think it will be a more meaningful occasion now that we’ve really fought for it.  I also am looking forward to seeing my siblings, grandparents, and other family members SO much.  They have been big supporters throughout my medical melodrama and I just want to hug them all, and tell them I’m okay, and thank them for their prayers.  (P.S. I am also graciously accepting prayers that it will NOT rain in New York on August 30^th!  PLEASE!)

For the past month, change, fear, and worry seem to be crowding all around me like they’re trying to box me into a corner.  I realize that despite my valiant efforts at living a healthy lifestyle, and despite being a mostly good person, and despite planning out the rest of my life in detail, there are really very few things within my absolute control.  But two of those few things that I can control are (1) what I believe, and (2) how I respond.  I choose to believe God loves me, and I choose to make an effort to feel peace in my heart and mind. 

And now…remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

Helaman 5:12  

The Book of Mormon

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

John 14:27  

The Holy Bible

When I felt at my lowest of lows and my world was turned upside down, I can tell you honestly that it NEVER even occurred to me to abandon my faith.  It seems counter-intuitive since faith is belief of things unseen, but when all was in flux and I could not see the end point of anything, the only stable thing I could see was faith.  If I allowed doubt to steal away my faith, I would literally have had nothing left.  My faith was all that I had as I was wheeled alone into the Operating Room, so I fiercely guarded my faith and, more importantly, it guarded me.